Your dating strategy: What it is and why you need one

 

Strategy: a careful plan or method for achieving a particular goal usually over a long period of time

As a professional woman, you likely spend a good part of your working life developing annual plans, staffing plans, marketing plans, and financial plans. But when you think about dating, it can feel unnatural to approach it with a plan or strategy.

This is because many of us hope to meet our significant other naturally as we go about our daily lives. And while meeting a great partner serendipitously is a more compelling narrative than going on dozens of online dates, it’s not an empowered approach to finding a great partner.

“If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else.” ― Yogi Berra

While it is easy to laugh at Yogi Berra, he’s right, which is why I recommend that women who are serious about finding a long-term partner begin with their dating strategy, your business plan for finding a great guy

The five key benefits of a dating strategy:

It will help you to be more efficient when dating

Reducing your indecision about who to date, what to do for a first date, and how to handle bad dating behavior will save you time and aggravation. Having the appropriate dating guardrails in place means that you will meet more appropriate men and find love true love faster.

You will feel more empowered

While you can’t control the timing of finding the right partner, you can control the process. Having the appropriate dating guardrails in place for who you date, what you do on dates, and how much time you spend dating can ease the feeling of powerlessness that often accompanies dating disappointment, missed connections, and rejection which can often accompany dating.

Your bad dates will go down and your self-esteem will go up

When you are intentional about the type of person you are willing to date, you will weed out partners with problematic patterns more quickly. Once you decide to say no to bad dating behavior, you will feel less victimized and your self-esteem will improve.

You'll have fewer emotional ups and down

Fewer bad dates mean less emotional toll. If, as part of your dating strategy, you anticipate potential setbacks and make a plan as to how you will overcome them you will overcome dating disappointment faster and get back on track to achieving your goals more quickly.

You will find love faster.

When you focus your efforts on high-quality partners who have an above-average likelihood of working out, your odds of finding someone with whom you are compatible go way up.

Ready to give creating your dating strategy a try?

Here are the key components of an effective dating strategy.

 Your dating criteria

Start by focusing on what you are looking for in a partner and your dating criteria.  Already have a list of dating criteria? Take a moment to review it to ensure that it is focused on values or character rather than characteristics.

When we date, we often list physical attraction, shared interests, or a good job as being the main criteria when selecting a significant other. But actually, your date’s values are just as important. You will want to consider things like how he treats the people in his life, what he values about money, and how he makes you feel when you are together.

Often, the characteristics that you are looking for in a partner can reveal your hidden values, so you may find it helpful to do some value work yourself while you are working on your dating criteria.

Your plan for determining if a date meets your criteria

This next step will help you to avoid heartbreak but it requires courage. Courage to ask the important questions and the courage to walk away if the answers that you get don’t align with what you are looking for.

If you are looking for a monogamous relationship with someone who will ultimately want to get married and have children, or if you are looking for someone who will make you a priority over his work or friends, you need to ask the questions that will determine if your goals align with your potential partner's.

Make a plan to ask the questions that will determine if the person you are dating is the right fit for you or not. This part of dating doesn’t have to feel like interviewing a new member of your team. If you are genuinely interested in your date's future plans, your questions will sound sincere.

And remember, you’re not asking your date to commit to a monogamous relationship with you, or if he wants to have children with you. You are asking if it is part of your date's future plans

Observe your date's actions, consider how much he works, how he spends his free time, and what is important to him. If your date’s goals and values align with your own great, but if not it’s best to cut bait early before you get emotionally attached.

Your plan for meeting potential partners

Next, you’ll want to get clear on how you are going to meet potential partners. Will you do most of your dating online or off? If you are going offline, will focus on speed dating, or is there another place where you can meet a steady stream of single potential partners? Will will plan on some online and some offline dating?

Once you are clear on how you are going to meet your dates,  decide how many dates you want to go on each week or month. When I was online dating, I aimed for two dates a week. I was committed to meeting someone, but I didn’t want to spend my entire life dating. I wanted time for friends and personal time for me.

Figure out how many dates a week or a month make sense for you. When you focus on volume you reduce dating to a process and the importance of any one date goes down. This can be helpful in managing the emotional ups and downs that can accompany dating. 

Your first date strategy

The best way to avoid a bad first date is to plan a first date that makes it easy for you to leave. A cup of coffee or a glass of wine does not require a significant time investment.

You can also make it clear that you have something to do afterward, even if the only thing you have to do was go back to your apartment and be grateful that the date is over. Saying that you have plans gives you a reason to gracefully leave the date.

Safety concerns aside, when you get into a car or have dinner with your date, you are stuck with that person until the end of whatever you have planned.

Your response to bad date behavior

One unfortunate truth is that bad date behavior is alive, well, and thriving. So the thoughtful gal would best have a plan for dealing with it when it arrives.

What is bad dating behavior? Anything that makes you feel awkward, unsafe, or unhappy can be considered bad behavior. Here are a few common issues:

• Inappropriate touching/kissing/hand holding
• Crude comments
• Racist remarks
• Droning on and on about self
• Insisting on walking you home, to your car, etc.

The good news is that once you've successfully implemented your dating strategy, the amount of bad dating behavior that you have to deal with. Still, you may occasionally find yourself in an awkward situation, so it is best to have a plan for dealing with it safely.  I have found that responses to these types of challenges vary based on how comfortable you feel with speaking directly. There is no right way or wrong way so choose the approach that is most comfortable for you and make a plan for when to implement it.

How you will manage dating disappointment

Sometimes something that seemed so promising initially does work out. This can be disappointing and even heartbreaking.  Having a dating strategy should help reduce many of the emotional ups and downs associated with dating.  

But occasionally there can be bumps in the road.  And it's important to manage the bumps and stay on course. That's the only way to ensure that you achieve your ultimate goal, a long-term relationship.

Iterate

You may not create the perfect dating strategy at first, there may be things that you try that you decide to eliminate from your plan or things that a friend, therapist, or coach suggests that you appreciate more than you expected. You should plan to evolve your strategy based on your experiences.  Your strategy is a working document. Keep refining it to ensure that it delivers powerful results for you! 

Good luck!

Ready to develop a dating strategy to ensure you find your Mr. Right faster? I can help!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to leverage your business skills to meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.