Unpack your Dating Patterns

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl G. Jung

My clients have very good reasons why they haven’t been able to find the right guy. One client attracts men who only want to sleep with her. Another, a successful senior leader, attracts men who have no ambition. One client had been ghosted repeatedly, while another went on dates so awful that she stopped dating.

Each of these women believes that she has done everything in her power to find her happily ever after. But is that true?

How do you know what is true?

I once asked my therapist how she knew if the problems that I was having with my ex were true and not in my mind. She explained that she listened for a pattern. If her client has an isolated problem with one person, the problem is the other person. But if the client is experiencing a similar problem with more than one person, it’s a pattern.

You need to uncover your patterns to find true love

Every decision you make, or action you take, shapes your life, just as, drop by drop, dripping water fills a glass. When you are unaware of the unconscious patterns that drive you, the life that you are creating may not be the life that you desire.

By uncovering your unconscious patterns, you will begin to understand your hidden thoughts and motivations. Once you are aware of what is driving you toward the outcomes you are experiencing, you can work to change your thoughts and begin to create the outcomes that you seek.

Are you ready to break free of your patterns and find your Mr. Right?

One of my clients met men when traveling to business conferences. Since many of the men she met were either married or lived far enough away to make a relationship unfeasible, there was interest, but it was for a night, not a relationship. This led my client to her dating story, which was “men only want to hook up with me.”

This was a pernicious pattern that had haunted my client for years. But, when we deconstructed her story, she realized that she had a hidden reason for choosing to focus on meeting men when traveling. However, once she recognized the pattern and gave online dating a try she started to meet men who were interested in what she had to offer.

Identify your patterns and build the life that you desire 

Exercise:

Grab a notebook or your laptop and record your responses to the following:

The men I meet are all:

• The reason I can’t/never meet someone I want to date is:

Review what you wrote down. Pay special attention to words like ”all”, “every” and “should”. Those words often reveal hidden beliefs and assumptions.

Ask yourself:

• What are the patterns or results I’m experiencing over and over again in my romantic relationships?

Next, let’s unpack the patterns. Write down the answers to the following questions.

• What actions am I taking to create the results that I am getting?
• What thoughts or beliefs are driving those actions?
• What steps can you take to change this pattern?

Have you identified a pattern or two that is keeping you stuck in your dating story? Good for you! Working to achieve your dream often means stepping outside of your comfort zone. That is never easy, so take a moment to congratulate yourself. Yay you!

 Final thought

Changing your patterns is about changing yourself. It is not about changing the other person. The only thing you can change about another person is your response to them.

If you’re feeling stuck

If you have tried everything that you can think of to find a real relationship with someone worthy of you, but still haven’t been able to find your Mr. Right, I can help.

My coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

We often need a little help and support to make our dreams a reality. If you are ready to make your dream of finding your Mr. Right a reality, the first step is to book a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll discuss your needs, dating priorities, and how we can partner to design a customized dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire with less emotional toll.

About Me

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is designed to empower high-achieving professional women to achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. As you follow my signature coaching program, you will learn to escape the misery of awful dates, meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner. 

Check out my program to learn more about how we can partner to develop your custom dating strategy to the right relationship.

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call.  On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals, establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.