The Only Dating Rule You Need | Date Smarter

Recently, a podcast host asked me, “What’s the one thing all single women who want to find their ideal partner need to know?”

I didn’t hesitate.

The most important truth—one that all women, single or married, must understand—is this:
You are already enough.

You are worthy right now, exactly as you are.

It can be hard to believe when you're constantly bombarded with messages on social media or even well-meaning friends and family that you need to do more, be more, or somehow twist yourself into a pretzel to attract your Mr. Right.

The idea that you have to earn love is everywhere. But it's not true.

A new client came to me recently. She’s in her late 30s, a senior leader at her organization, and crystal clear that she wants to get married and have a child. She communicated that upfront when she started dating her current boyfriend. Seven months in, when she tries to talk about their relationship and where it’s going his answers are vague. He’s happy in the relationship but not ready to define things. Her gut tells her he probably isn’t capable of giving her what she wants. Yet, she’s still with him. Why?

She says it’s because he is kind, affectionate, and attentive. But when we dug underneath, there was fear. Fear that maybe this is as good as it gets. That if she lets go of this man, she might not find anyone else. And that she will regret tossing this sweet man (who is wasting her time) back into the dating pool. Or, worse, that walking away might confirm her suspicion that she isn’t lovable enough for a long-term relationship.

Here’s the truth about a partner who isn't ready to commit

When a man says no—whether it’s no to commitment, no to exclusivity, or no to the future you are hoping for —he isn’t saying you’re not enough. He’s saying he’s not enough.

He’s showing you that he’s not ready or able to align with your vision of love and partnership. And that’s not your failure. That’s his limitation, not yours.

I’ve lived this myself. When I was dating, I fell for a guy who always had a reason we couldn’t be together. First, we lived in different cities. Then, he decided he wanted to meet someone younger and start a second family. His excuses kept shifting, but the message was the same: he wasn’t able to give me what I was looking for.

It hurt. But looking back, I’m grateful. That “no” cleared the path for me to find my partner. And he can give me the depth of love and connection that I want.

Learning your dating wants and needs

Still, the people who aren’t meant for you do have an important role in your life. They help you see what you truly want and what you’re no longer willing to settle for.

There are no other tricks or "rules" to find lasting love.

The only rule you need is to know your worth and not to settle for someone who can’t see it.

If the person in your life can’t be who you need him to be, move on to the person who can. Say no to what isn't working so you can say yes when the right person comes along. Do this, and you’re already one step closer to the love you deserve.

Feeling stuck?

Are you feeling stuck in a relationship going nowhere—or not dating at all because it feels hopeless? You don’t have to figure it out alone. Let’s talk. Schedule a free dating strategy call and take the first step toward the love you deserve.

Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel, and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you are struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your situation.

In our work together, we’ll uncover any patterns or beliefs that may be standing in your way and create a personalized path to help you move forward with confidence. I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.

If this resonates with you, let’s connect. A dating strategy session could be your first step toward creating the relationship you’re looking for.