The first date: Setting yourself up for future success

I recently read an article that listed 25 first-date ideas to spark connection and romance. And while the list has some great ideas, they aren’t first-date ideas. They are second and third-date ideas.

What should you do on a first date?

When you develop your dating strategy, it’s helpful to first consider the goal of the first date. If your goal is to find a long-term relationship, you are likely going to want to use the first date to determine if this person is someone you want to spend more time with or if you want to move on to the next potential match.

From that perspective, the first date is a screening process, and to help you determine the date’s future potential you will want to start by understanding some basic information about the person. Likely your date will be doing something similar!

If you’ve read my post on your dating criteria, you know that a person’s values are an important indicator of future compatibility, so use your first date to ask questions that will begin to reveal some of your date's values.

What does your date say?

Here are some areas where you will want to delve more deeply:

Is there chemistry? Do you feel a connection?

Chemistry can sometimes take time to develop. As long as the person isn’t a hard no, intellectual chemistry, a shared sense of humor, and the potential for physical attraction may be enough for a first date.

How do they talk about past relationships and other people in their lives?

People reveal a lot when they talk about their past relationships and other important people in their lives. How do they speak about their parent, siblings, children, and exes? Are they grateful for the people in their life? How a potential date talks about the people in their lives is an important indicator of how he might talk about you in the future.

How do they feel about their career?

What interests them about what they do? How do they show up for their job, and relate to their boss, colleagues, and clients? What are their long-term career goals? If you listen carefully to how they talk about their career you will begin to understand some of the values that motivate them.

What is their capacity for self-reflection and course correction?

Are they able to reflect on themselves and how they can improve? Are they able to be honest with themselves about their success and failures? What are the lessons they’ve learned from past relationships? In the past year? The ability self reflect is an important indicator of emotional intelligence. And the ability to recognize and acknowledge when we are wrong is an important skill. Use the first few dates to make sure your potential partner has that ability.

What is their goal with dating?

Are they looking for a long-term relationship or do they just want a casual relationship? It’s important to ask this upfront to avoid misaligned expectations and disappointment long term.

Clients often get hung up with this because they are afraid that asking about relationship expectations will make them seem desperate, needy, or scare the person off. Remember that you are not asking your date what his long terms plans are with you. You are asking him what his plans are for him.

If you want an LTR and he wants to date casually, there may be chemistry, but not compatibility. 

How does your date act?

Talking to your date will allow you to get to know them on one level. Observing the way they act will give you a different kind of information.

Are they respectful?

Being respectful starts with being on time and includes things like not constantly looking at their cell phone or apple watch, and not looking at other women when they are on a date with you. It’s one thing if your date tells you up front that he is waiting for a call from his son’s doctor and he will need to take the call for 5 minutes. It’s another if he spends the whole date reading and responding to texts.

Are they thoughtful toward others and treat them with kindness?

Is your date polite with the waiter, bartender, and hostess? Does the person listen when you speak and ask you questions about your experience? Do the stories he tells you about his interactions give you the impression that he is a quality person?

While you likely won’t be able to get through all of this on the first date, most of it will happen naturally during the date and if the date is a success, you can follow up on anything you weren’t able to cover on your next one! 

 Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to leverage your business skills to meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.   

Check out my program to learn more about how we can partner to develop your custom dating strategy to the right relationship.

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call.  On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.