Smarter dating: The problem isn't that you're too picky

How many times have you been told that you are too picky when dating? That you should always give someone a second chance? How many times has your mother or a close friend told you that? Yeah, me too.

Wasting time dating men you aren't interested in doesn't work

Based on that advice, for years I tried to approach dating with an open mind. I was careful not to believe my first impressions. I forced myself to go on second and even third dates with guys that I couldn’t imagine kissing (bleck!) 

Then one day, while I was at work interviewing for a new member of my team, I had an interview with a job candidate who didn’t have the skills necessary to be successful in the job.

Here’s what I did:

• I thanked her for her time.
• I explained to her that she wasn’t right for the role because it required experience that she didn’t have.
• I ended the interview went back to my desk and finished working on a client presentation.

Here’s what I didn’t do:

• I didn’t second guess myself.
• I didn’t waste any more time interviewing a candidate who wasn’t appropriate for the role.
• I didn’t get discouraged and start worrying that I would never find anyone for the job.

As I sat at my desk working on my presentation, I received a text from a guy who I knew wasn’t for me but who I had continued to date with the misguided goal of trying to be less picky.

This was a dating wake-up call

It was as if the universe had had enough of my stupidity and had sent a thunderbolt to wake me up. Why was I supposed to be thoughtful, critical, and trust my intuition when it came to a job candidate but not with someone I was dating?

Would anyone tell a company to stop trying to hire A players for their open jobs and instead give B and C play a chance? Then why should I do that when dating?

Being less picky is a waste of time

Once I decided to trust my intuition, my dating life was transformed. No longer did I spend hours politely listening while men mansplained me or droned on about things that were of no interest to me. I got clear on my dating criteria and used my intuition to help me identify men whose values aligned with my own.

The number of awful dates that I went on decreased. I spent less time confused about guys who were ambivalent about making plans, made uncomfortable comments, or exhibited other types of inappropriate dating behavior.  No longer trying to keep an open mind, I moved on. I spent less time complaining to my friends and more time on dates with higher potential candidates. I was happier. And finally, it happened, I met a great guy!

Just say no!

Gals, let’s stop telling ourselves that we’re too picky. Today I challenge you to trust your intuition and say no to men who don’t suit you. Stop letting yourself be confused by the mixed messages and bad behavior that you experience when dating. Tune out the naysayers who are trying to convince you that the only way you’ll find a partner is if you are willing to settle.

Hold your head high, reassure yourself that you are worthy of more, and move on.

Ready to be pickier? Yay you!

About Me

Hi, I’m Rachel and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to escape the misery of awful dates, meet better men, and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals, establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.