Ready to Give up on Dating? Try this instead.
By the time most of my clients find me, they are ready to give up on dating. They have suffered through the awkwardness of first dates, the pain of being rejected, and they have analyzed their actions and their dates' actions ad nauseam and wondered what they are doing wrong.
They are discouraged and they are starting to wonder if they should focus on the areas of their lives that are more rewarding.
What do you think they should do?
In Tim Urban’s blog post The Tail End (which is very much worth reading) he talks about the inevitable end that is coming for all of us. Given this, as he points out, that priorities are important and that you should “make sure this list is set by you—not by unconscious inertia.”
Should you give up on dating?
I dated for 4 years after breaking up with my ex before I started to think about taking a break from dating. It wasn’t working and I questioned spending my time on something with such poor returns.
One night, I logged into my dating app to turn off my account. Of course, first I wanted to see if any cute guys had looked at my profile. There were two guys that looked promising. So, I sent a message to each telling them that I was shutting off my account and I shared my email address in case either wanted to contact me for a date. One of those two is now my husband. When I think that I could have missed meeting my husband after 4 long years of dating, I’m grateful the universe had a different plan!
If you are ready to give up on dating, try this instead:
Get clear on what you are looking for
- I’m not talking about hair color, height, or number of degrees. I am talking about how he makes you feel, how he spends his time, and what he values in his life.
Learn more about dating criteria and why you need them
Limit the amount of time you spend engaging before meeting in person
- Spending time texting or video chatting with someone increases both your hopes and your disappointment if the person doesn’t work out. Quickly arranging an in-person meeting spares you both.
Reduce the amount of time you spend on your first few dates
- No matter what his (or her) profile says, a first date is like sitting next to someone on an airplane. You should be able to quickly evaluate if you want to continue talking to them or if you prefer to watch a movie. At home. Alone. If you want to continue with the date, great. But If you don’t, make a polite excuse and thank them for their time. Here's how you can reduce the time, energy, and hassle you spend on dating.
Make a dating plan
- When you know what you are looking for, your preferred way to meet potential partners, and a way to get through your first date, your dating life is reduced to a process that simply needs to be executed. This reduces the number of decisions that you need to make and takes much of the guesswork of dating. Develop your dating plan today
Ask for help
- If you have a trainer at the gym or an executive coach at the office, you know how much of a difference working with someone can make. If you find yourself mired in self-doubt and disappointment, consider asking for help. This list of dating coaches for women should help.
Work on your mindset
- Your life is what you pay attention to. It is thru our attention we define our realities. That includes the stories that we tell ourselves. Manage your attention, manage your stories, manage your life.
Do you feel like you are ready to give up on dating? Email me your story
About Me
Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to escape the misery of awful dates, meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.
Check out my program to learn more about how we can partner to develop your custom dating strategy to the right relationship.
To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.
