More Effective, Empowered Dating

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.” - Peter Drucker.

I love this quote because it encourages us to learn from our experiences. It takes away the pressure of being perfect when we start out. Through quiet reflection, we can evolve and improve. It elegantly captures the process of improving performance in dating and in life.

What is your post-date routine?

Does it involve a few minutes of quiet reflection? Do you write down your thoughts?

Developing a post-date routine that allows you to consider what went well on the date and what didn’t will allow you to make changes that will help you become a more efficient, effective dater and, ultimately, find the relationship that you are seeking.

Ready to give it a try? After a date, take a few minutes to reflect on the following questions:

• What went well during the date? What am I proud of?
• What, if any, changes will I make to the things that went well?
• What didn’t go well on the date?
• What, if any, changes will I make to the things that went well?
• How did the date make me feel? Which moments in the date evoked those feelings? Are there any changes I would make to future dates based on this experience?

Here’s an example of an effective post-date reflection:

Anna

I went on a first date with a guy whom I met through a dating app. He invited me to an upscale restaurant. He was a handsome dude but when it came time to pay the bill, his credit card was declined so I had to pick up the entire bill. I slapped him and left.

What went well on the date?

• Honestly nothing

What didn’t go well on the date? And what would you change next time?

• I would tell him to stop being rude to the waiter. I didn’t say anything because I was trying to be pleasant and agreeable since it was a first date. But there is no point trying to be nice if the other person is being rude. Next time I will say something. I wanted to say something and next time I will.
• I wouldn’t agree to dinner as a first date. Even if he had paid, I wouldn’t want to sit through a whole meal with someone I strongly dislike again.

How did the date make me feel?

• Angry, with him and myself. I wish that I had stood up for what I believe in, recognized that it was not a match, and ended the date sooner. I could have asked the waitress to serve me my food at another table. At least I could have enjoyed the food 

Want to practice? Here are 3 dating scenarios that my clients have faced recently. Their names have been changed to protect their identities) What refinements would you make to each scenario?

Barb

I had a first date with someone and we had a cup of coffee. He seemed like a nice guy and I was looking forward to seeing him again. For the next date, he texted me and wanted me to come to his apartment and watch a movie. It didn’t feel safe to me to go to the apartment of someone I barely knew and I said so. He told me I was being paranoid. I told him that may be but that I respected myself too much to be shamed into doing something I was uncomfortable doing. He didn’t text me after that.

Stacy

I met a guy on an app and he invited me to have drinks at a bar. When I got to the bar there was a soccer game on and the bar was super loud. I could barely hear my date. He asked me some questions about myself but I didn’t really feel like screaming so I gave him kind of short answers and mostly asked him questions. He seemed nice enough, but I said no when he asked if I wanted a second drink. So we left. He did apologize as he walked me to the subway and told me he didn’t follow soccer so he didn’t realize there would be so crowded. I haven’t heard from him since though.

Liz

I went on a coffee date with a guy who never stopped talking about himself. He even asked me what else I wanted to know about him. I had discussed this type of behavior with a friend who told me that when this happens, she waits 10 or 15 minutes, and then she says to the guy - I’m ready for you to ask me something about me now.

I was nervous to try it, but so frustrated with his endless yabber about himself that I said it. He turned bright red and then told me that he was really sorry. He explained he was nervous because I was prettier than my pictures and he had a tough year at work and hadn’t been on any dates in a while.

After that, we had a nice conversation and while I’m not sure he’s the one, we agreed to go on a second date.

When you try this on your own dates, be sure to write down your reflections as well as any changes that you want to make so that you use them to evolve your dating strategy. This will allow you to track your progress to “more effective action”.

Take back your power when dating

So much of dating feels beyond our control and we can begin to feel victimized by bad dating behavior. But we can control what we agree to do on a date and we can control how we respond to common dating scenarios. When we choose to act in a way that is in line with our values and beliefs, we can take back our power when dating, or frog kissing, as I like to call it!

Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone a

and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to leverage your business skills to meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.

Check out my program to learn more about how we can partner to develop your custom dating strategy to the right relationship.

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.