Bad date survival skills: What to do and what to avoid

We’ve all had the experience. You exchange a few texts with a cute guy. He seems kind of funny and you both enjoy the same kind of music and movies. So you agree to set up a date. You go to the date with a positive mindset, wondering, in the back of your mind, if this will be the date that ends all the dating.

But no. The date doesn’t turn out the way you had hoped. It’s not even a neutral experience. It’s unpleasant, awkward, and, possibly, creepy.

If you have been refining your dating strategy, you are no longer spending hours on a bad date. You have a plan to end the date quickly and minimize the time you spend with someone who is not for you.

No matter how much time you spend polishing your dating strategy, bad dates are an inevitable part of kissing frogs to meet your prince (or princess.)

How to stop feeling bad about bad dates

But what if not only does your date go poorly, but you also feel discouraged, disappointed, or just icky after a bad date? How do you shake off the negative, discouraged, icky feeling that often accompanies a bad dating experience? How do you limit the impact that a bad date has on your mental and emotional space?

What can you do to ensure that a bad date is over as soon as you say goodbye?

Here are some tips:

• Congratulate yourself on the things you did right.

Did you pay attention to your intuition as soon as it started waving a red flag to alert you to the fact this person wasn't what you thought? Did you end the date quickly and politely as soon as you realized that this person was a hard no? Did you take the necessary steps to protect yourself and maintain your boundaries?

Review the date for the things you did well. Pat yourself on the back and breathe into that feeling of accomplishment. Allow yourself to feel, really feel proud and happy for the things that you handled well. Positive feelings are an important part of laying down the neural pathways that build behavior so if you did something well, celebrate it. If you celebrate it you are more likely to do it again.

• Identify what was good about the experience

Sometimes even the most awful dates have a hidden positive. Maybe you learned something new, had a delicious glass of wine, or tried a coffee shop that you had never been to. I went on a date with a guy who was responsible for a construction team on the Triboro bridge. The guy wasn’t for me, but I learned a lot about bridge construction.

• Identify what you would change next time.

Do not, I repeat, do not, use this time to beat yourself up with a million “should have’”. Just reflect on the date and identify what, if anything, you would like to do differently next time.

Once you have identified one or two things, spend a few minutes imagining yourself doing the new behavior. Pause several times over the next few days and envision yourself practicing the new behavior. Rehearsing an action over and over will help you to remember to do it when you are on your next date.

• Make a plan to do something right after the date.

One way to quickly change your mental state is to do something to distract yourself from the date. If you plan to meet a friend for a bike ride or to take your dog to the dog park after your date, you will quickly be distracted from any memories of the date by a new positive experience.

• Don’t call a friend and rehash the whole bad date

The date is over and you do not want to allow any bad date to derail you from your goal of finding your perfect partner. Therefore your goal is to sail past any negative dating experiences as quickly and efficiently as possible. Calling a friend to commensurate might seem like a good way to do that, but reliving the negative experience.

One of the ways that you can feel more in charge when dating is to limit your emotional response to dating as much as possible. While it isn’t easy to always avoid a negative mindset while dating, limiting its impact will free you up to enjoy other aspects of your life.

Have a bad date story that you need help processing? Share it with me!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they've had in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to leverage your business skills to meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.   

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call.  On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.