How I found love: Marilyn's story
I was 63 years old and had been widowed 7 years when I met my partner, Paul. We met at a Christmas party hosted by mutual friends.
After being widowed for so many years, I was comfortable going out on my own. I wasn’t looking to date. I figured my chances of finding true love after 60 were low and I was ok with that.
My friends asked me to their annual Christmas party because they thought I would enjoy the evening. Paul was a mutual friend of theirs, but our paths had never crossed until that night.
We spent some time talking that evening and after I left, he asked the host if I was dating anyone. A couple of days later he called to ask me out to dinner. I did not answer the call as I was nervous! I eventually got the courage to check the message and return his call. I told him, I had not had a date with anyone but my husband since 1963, but if he was willing to try, I was willing to try too.
Our first date
When he rang the doorbell that night and I opened the door, he was dressed in the same kind of clothes that my husband would have worn. Khaki pants, a green sweater, and a brown jacket...that’s how the night began.
We went to an Italian restaurant, as we are both Italian-American, and it seemed like a safe choice. We arrived around 6:30 and stayed until closing. We were never at a loss for words.
Paul had been divorced for 4 years. We both understood loss. I had lost my husband 7 years ago and his wife had announced that after 30 years of marriage, she did not love him.
Funny enough, our lives had crossed paths many times, even though we had never met. We vacationed at the same spot in Maine. I could see his cottage from mine. We both had met our spouses on the same beach. We knew all the same people. Because he is 5 years younger than me, I knew his brother who is my age, but had never met or even knew of Paul.
From the moment we started talking, he was so comfortable to be with.
Ending the date
At the end of the night, when he brought me home, he walked me to the door. I was so nervous! I thought, oh no...what do I do now?” Should I ask him in? Should I just say thank you for a nice night?
I felt like I was back in high school, but not the high school I went to when I was 14, this felt like senior high, as we really are in the senior years of our lives!
Well, I asked him in and we continued talking. When he got up to leave, we were standing at the door and he asked if I would like to go to a movie the next week. I said sure and he gave me the sweetest hug I had ever received.
I was actually relieved. It was such a big deal going on a date. I couldn’t have handled anything else! Well, after 4 dates of these great hugs, I started wondering if he was ever going to kiss me??? (He finally did.)
He was the one!
After that first date, that was it. We have been together for 10 years. We have been a couple for longer than we were single. Looking back on it now, when you find the right person, everything just falls into place.
I think it helps that we both knew how to be a couple and we like being in a couple. People are surprised when they meet us for the first time to find out that we're not married. I guess we give off the married vibes.
My advice for finding love
I was very content with the life I had before I met Paul. I had a lot of support from my family and friends after my husband passed and a busy social life. I never knew I was missing anything from my life until I met Paul.
My advice is to work to be happy in your life first and then to go looking for someone to make it better. I also think it is important to know what you want from a relationship.
In my case, I don’t want to get married or live together. Being alone for 7 years made me independent and I like having my “own” space. While we aren’t married, we are a couple and are committed to each other without a piece of paper.
These things are very important to me and Paul understands that.
As we get older, many of our friends are widows and widowers, and many are dating again. I never expected this would happen at this stage in our lives, but we are busy, social, and having a blast. Who would have thought that I am a “finding love after 60” example!
Next up, read how Alisa found her partner.
