How I found love: Alisa's story
I was 51 and living in NYC when I met my partner, Bob, at a party given by a friend.
I love cycling and I'm a member of a New York cycling club. All of the people at the party were members of that club. A few of us had gone to Mallorca the year before to cycle and my friend wanted us to share our experience of cycling Mallorca with people who were considering doing the trip that year.
I met Bob at the party. We spoke and he started talking about his wife, who had passed away, and his kids. This feeling of love came over me and I could feel how much he loved them. He really struck me.
Being authentic is important to me
I thought about our conversation for a month before deciding to send him an email. I believe in telling someone when they say something that touches me or when I see something special in them. My friends told me I was nuts, of course. But it felt authentic to me. And, it felt important for me to be myself and fully express who I am.
I tracked down his email address and sent an email telling him that he had touched me. I didn't suggest a drink or anything like that. I told him what I wanted to tell him and I left it at that.
I hit send and went out for a ride.
Of course, he immediately assumed that I wanted him to ask me out. He thought about it for most of the day. I was the first person he had dated since his wife. Later that afternoon he sent me an email. We met that same night.
I had always assumed I would be single forever
I had never dated very much and was used to being on my own. I have my own business and plenty of friends. My life was full and I was happy and successful. I had always hoped to meet someone, but as the years went by, I began to assume that I would always be single. And I was okay with that.
So while I was attracted to Bob, I wasn’t actively looking for a partner. I didn’t expect that 51 would be the age when I would find true love.
Our first date
Our first date started as a drink and then turned into dinner. We talked and laughed. It was so easy. He walked me back to the subway. He gave me a hug and said “see you on the road”.
All I had to do was be myself
I think my unconscious knew almost immediately that he was the one, but it took a couple of months for my rational brain to catch up. With Bob everything was easy. There were no games. All I had to do was be myself. My doubts about myself melted away when I was with him. It didn’t matter what I said or what I did. He accepted me as I was. And, I accepted him.
We saw each other once a week until he went on vacation to his home in Nova Scotia. When he came back we started spending all our free time together.
My advice for finding love
I had done a lot of work on myself and I was happy with who I was when I met Bob. If you aren't happy with yourself, start there first. There is no better investment than your own happiness.
Being authentic to who you are is also important if you want to be loved fully. Being true to who I was and what I was feeling allowed Bob and me to connect so I recommend that you trust and follow your instincts.
Next up, read how Marilyn found her partner.
