Ghosted? How to move on and stay strong

Ghosting, or abruptly ending communication with someone without an explanation, is a pervasive problem in modern dating. It can leave you feeling hurt, confused, and questioning your self-worth.  You may wonder if you did something wrong or feel frustrated (or furious!)  that you've wasted valuable time on someone so unworthy. 

Ghosting and dating

While ghosting can occur at any point in a relationship, it's especially hurtful when you believe you’ve formed a genuine connection.  Repeated ghosting can chip away at your confidence, and make it difficult to trust yourself and future romantic partners.

Worse still, ghosting is on the rise with 76% of responders in one serving survey admitting to either ghosting or being ghosted. The emotional toll of ghosting can be significant and lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and even self-isolation. 

As ghosting becomes a more common dating experience, how do you protect yourself emotionally while continuing to date? Here are some tips:

Accept that you will never know why you were ghosted

It’s natural to want closure. There’s an assumption that knowing why the person disappeared will somehow change the situation or make it less painful.

Unfortunately, even if you could connect with the ghoster, if the ghoster isn’t self-aware enough to understand their motivation, you won’t get an honest answer. Most likely you would get the excuse that they were busy or weren’t “feeling it.”

Indeed, studies have shown that the top reasons for ghosting include:

• Mistakenly believing that drifting away is kinder than an outright rejection.
  Being unsure about their feelings or the future of the relationship.

Dwelling on the specifics won’t be constructive. A better approach is to recognize that someone who would treat you with such little regard doesn’t warrant you wasting one more minute of your life wondering what is going on in their unevolved mind.

Instead of focusing on closure, take a moment and ask yourself what you hope closure will give you. Then consider ways that you can give that to yourself.

Recognize that ghosting is a reflection of the other person, not you.

Ghosting is inconsiderate and unkind. A person who ghosts lacks the courage and character to handle the situation appropriately. Their behavior indicates emotional immaturity and a lack of emotional intelligence. This flaw is in them, not you.

Consider this: You can put a bar of gold in a safe or you can put it in the trash. But, no matter how you treat the gold bar, it has the same value. Similarly, your value doesn’t diminish based on how people treat you.

Remind yourself that you can’t control how others act, but you can control what you think and how you respond.

Resist the temptation to blame yourself 

It's easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself for being ghosted. It is natural to wonder if you said or did something that caused the other person to act the way they did. Don’t.

Accept that you are not responsible for how other people behave and that you can’t control their behavior. The only thing that you can control is how you respond.

Acknowledge the sense of loss that accompanies ghosting

All ghosting brings disappointed expectations and loss. You had hoped for something that won’t come to fruition. The loss of these hopes can be painful. Acknowledge the loss and the feeling when they come.

Feelings ebb and flow like the tide. Resisting feelings prolongs them and increases the time it takes to heal.

When the feeling of loss arises, breathe and notice what you feel without attaching any meaning or story to it. Keep breathing until the feeling passes. Then turn your mind to something that brings you joy.

Be grateful that you dodged a bullet

However charming your ghoster seemed and despite how connected you may have felt, this person was not your person. He has shown that he can’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

It can be hard to see any silver lining after being ghosted However, consider that being ghosted might be a blessing in disguise as you may have wasted more time on a relationship with no future.

Remind yourself that this experience has cleared the path for a new partner who will appreciate and value you.

Ask for help

If you find yourself getting discouraged or tempted to give up dating altogether, it may be time to ask for help.

Reaching out to a therapist or coach can help you explore your feelings, gain insight into your relationships, and develop a resilient mindset to help you move forward. If you are ready to turn the pain of being ghosted into an opportunity for personal growth and empowered decision-making in your future dating adventures, getting the right help can make all the difference!

Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you are struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your situation.

In our work together, we’ll uncover any patterns or beliefs that may be standing in your way and create a personalized path to help you move forward with confidence. I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.

If this resonates with you, let’s connect. A dating strategy session could be your first step toward creating the relationship you’re looking for.