Ghosted? How to move on and stay strong

Ghosting, or abruptly ending communication with someone without an explanation, has become a pervasive problem in modern dating. It can leave you feeling hurt, confused, and questioning your self-worth.  A romantic partner's sudden disappearance can cause you to doubt yourself and make it hard to trust your intuition. You may wonder if you did something wrong or you may feel frustrated that you've wasted valuable time on someone so unworthy.

Ghosting and dating

While ghosting can occur at any point in a relationship, it's particularly hurtful after a genuine connection has been formed. Repeated ghosting can chip away at your confidence and make it difficult to trust new partners.

Research shows that ghosting is more common each year. In fact, 76% of responders in one survey admit to either ghosting or being ghosted. The emotional toll of ghosting can include feelings of anxiety, depression, and even self-isolation. But ghosting is not a reflection of your worth. It's a failure of the other person to communicate appropriately.

As ghosting becomes more prevalent, how do you protect yourself emotionally while continuing to date? Here are some tips:

Accept that you will never know why you were ghosted

It’s normal to want closure, but with ghosting, that option isn’t available. There’s an assumption in wanting closure that knowing the reason would somehow change the situation or make it less painful.

Unfortunately, even if you were to connect with the ghost, the ghost may not be self-aware enough to understand their motivation and you may not get an honest answer. Most likely you will get the excuse that they were busy or weren’t “feeling it.”

Indeed, studies have shown that the top reasons for ghosting include:

• Mistakenly believing that drifting away is kinder than an outright rejection.
  Being unsure about their feelings or the future of the relationship.

Your ghost may have been dealing with personal struggles, or a mental health challenge and feel uncomfortable sharing it. Or they may prioritize avoiding their discomfort over your feelings.

Dwelling on the specifics won’t be constructive. Acknowledge that someone who would treat you with such little regard is reason enough not to waste time wondering what is going on in their unevolved mind.

Instead of focusing on closure take a moment and ask yourself what you hope closure will give you. Then consider ways that you can give that to yourself.

Recognize that ghosting is a reflection of the other person, not you.

Ghosting is inconsiderate and unkind. A person who ghosts lacks the courage and character to handle the situation appropriately. This behavior indicates emotional immaturity and a lack of emotional intelligence.

It is important to recognize that their inability to communicate appropriately is a flaw in them, not you.

Consider this: You can put a bar of gold in a safe or you can put it in the trash. It doesn’t matter but, no matter how you treat the gold bar, it has the same value. Similarly, your worth doesn’t diminish because of how others treat you.

Remind yourself that you can’t control how others act, but you can control what you think and how you respond.

Resist the temptation to blame yourself 

It's easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself for being ghosted. It is natural to wonder if you said or did something that caused the other person to act the way they did. Don't.

Recognize that you are not responsible for how other people behave and that you can’t control their behavior. The only thing that you can control is how you respond.

Acknowledge the sense of loss that accompanies ghosting

All ghosting brings disappointed expectations and loss. You had hopes for something that will never come to fruition whether it be another text, another date, or a future together. The loss of these hopes can be painful. Acknowledge the loss and the feeling when they come.

Feelings ebb and flow like the tide. Resisting feelings tends to prolong and increase the time it takes to heal.

When the feeling of loss arises, breathe and notice what you feel without attaching any meaning or story to it. Keep breathing until the feeling passes. Then turn your mind to something that brings you joy.

Be grateful that you dodged a bullet

This person was not your person. However charming he seemed and despite how connected you may have felt or how he felt, he has shown that he can’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

It can be hard to see any silver lining after being ghosted However, consider that being ghosted might be a blessing in disguise as you may have wasted more time on a relationship with no future.

Consider that this experience has cleared the path for a new partner who will appreciate and value you.

Ask for help

If you feel discouraged or are tempted to give up dating altogether, it may be time to ask for help.

Reaching out to a therapist or coach can help you explore your feelings, gain insight into your relationships, and develop a resilient mindset to help you move forward. Seeking help from a therapist or coach will empower you to turn the pain of being ghosted into an opportunity for personal growth and empowered decision-making in your future dating adventures.

Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you are struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your situation.

In our work together, we’ll uncover any patterns or beliefs that may be standing in your way and create a personalized path to help you move forward with confidence. I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.

If this resonates with you, let’s connect. A dating strategy session could be your first step toward creating the relationship you’re looking for.