Dating and New Year’s: How to set better resolutions

Each new year for the five long years that I was single, I resolved to find my Mr.Right. For five years, I failed.

Why? Because I needed to learn to be a better dater first. I had to improve my intuition, develop the ability to have difficult conversations, and get clearer on what I was looking for.

But instead of focusing my New Year resolutions on developing the skills that I needed to find a great guy, my New Year goal was wholly focused on the outcome, finding Mr. Right. Each year my dating resolution was binary. And, each year, my resolution was either a complete success or a complete failure.

While this is clear now… It was unclear while I was in the messy middle of dating.

This year rather than focusing on outcome, consider choosing a goal that focuses on helping you get better. Better at setting boundaries, turning off the negative thoughts in your mind, or trusting your intuition - whatever better looks like for you. Focus on achieving that.

It may be helpful to think of these goals as “being” goals. Instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, focus on how you want to "be" in the upcoming year.

Here’s how to get started:

Start by reviewing last year

As you look back, think about things that didn’t turn out as expected. Consider dating situations you wish you had handled differently. Maybe you wished you could have communicated differently about your boundaries, or gone on dates more consistently. Write down two or three things that you would like to do differently next year

For each thing that didn’t go well, ask yourself:

• What didn’t go well? What failed?
• What did you learn? What does “better” look like in this situation?
• What action steps you can take to improve this next year?

Your answers should be stated in the positive. Instead of writing “I would be less defensive”, try, “I would pause and consider possible responses.”

Plan the upcoming year

What is your vision and dreams for next year? It may help to think of these goals as “being” goals. How do you want to be next year? These goals will be different than having or doing goals.

For each of your goals ask yourself:

• How do I want to feel?
• What values do I want to honor?
• What does it mean to honor that value?
• What’s important to me about achieving this goal next year?

Envision it

Close your eyes and travel to the end of next year. You are celebrating. You have achieved all that you set out to. What is different? How are you different? How does it feel to look back and see all that you have accomplished? Spend some time imagining how the end of the year feels. Let yourself linger in a sense of accomplishment. A feeling of satisfaction and peace of a year well lived. Let your heart fill with gratitude. Thank yourself and everyone who contributed to your success. 

When you are ready, come back to today.

Move from vision to action

Now that you have a clear vision of how you want next year to be, the next step is to identify the action steps that you need to take to move from vision to action. As you plan your upcoming dating year, set some SMART goals and identify how you will keep track of your progress in a way that feels authentic to you.

As you plan your year, consider:

• How will you stay connected to your vision in the new year?
• How will you maintain momentum?
• What structure should you put in place to support you as you move toward next year's dating vision?

Align your vision to your actions so that when you toast the end of the year you are also toasting your determination, your progress, and your success. Good luck!

For more on setting effective New Year's Resolutions, read New Year, New Love.

Are you ready to make this the year that you find your Mr. Right?   Set up free dating strategy call so that we can develop a roadmap to your happily ever after.

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you are struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your situation.

Together, we will work towards uncovering the underlying patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back from finding the relationship you are looking for and we map out a plan tailored to you.  I will be there to support you every step of the way.

Don't let another year pass without finding the love you deserve. Contact me today to schedule a free strategy session and begin your journey toward the partner of your dreams.