Dating Wisdom: How Pride and Prejudice Can Help You Find Your Perfect Match

There is something about winter that makes me want to sit by a fireplace and read Jane Austen's. I just re-read Pride and Prejudice and I was struck by how many of the lessons in the novel are just as applicable to daters today as they were in early 19th century England. Societal norms may have changed (and thank goodness because wearing a corset sounds awful) but there are lessons that the modern professional woman can learn about dating from Eliza Bennett and Mr. Darcy.

Be yourself

In the 19th century, women were expected to conform to a certain set of standards in order to attract a man. Yet, Eliza Bennett doesn't conform to societal expectations for a woman and she doesn’t care. She is the rare 19th-century woman who is true to herself. And ultimately it is her independence, confidence, and intelligence which attract Mr. Darcy, despite his initial prejudice against her.

Modern dating life is similar to the 19th century in that everyone has plenty of advice on how a woman needs to look, act, and the games she should play to attract a great guy. It's easy for the dating gal to believe that she needs to pretend to be something that she is not to please a potential partner.

However, being true to oneself is a far more effective dating strategy than trying to twist yourself into a pretzel to please a guy.  When you own who you are and what is special about you, you will attract a better quality guy, just like Eliza Bennet.

Bottom line: In dating, as in life, authenticity is key. Whether you live in early 19th-century England or in the 21st century, being yourself is a key ingredient in finding true love.

Don't settle

In the novel, Eliza is courted by Mr. Collins. Despite her mother’s pressure to accept his proposal, Eliza recognizes that he is not the right match for her and rejects him. Eliza is content to remain single until she finds someone whose character better aligns with her own.

Similarly, in the modern dating world, it's common for women to be advised to be less picky or settle for someone who is “good enough” so that they don't end up alone.

This is one of the most pernicious myths modern society has foisted upon women. Your happiness is too important to throw it away for companionship with someone you’re not excited about. Settling is not only unfair to ourselves, but also to the person we are dating. Being single is always better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.

Bottom line: It's important to wait until you find someone who truly loves you for you.

Tell your dates what you think

Communication is a key part of any relationship, including dating. Here again, Eliza Bennett shines as an example. She isn’t afraid to express her opinions and speak the truth, even if it's not what others want to hear. In fact, her honesty and directness are one of the qualities that Mr. Darcy most admires about her.

In today's dating world, it's not uncommon to hide your true feelings,  keep your thoughts to yourself and focus on being fun and avoiding conflict. Successful professional women are even advised to hide their intelligence, or not to be so opinioned in an effort to attract a man.  However, this approach doesn't allow you to show your true self and allow the person you are dating to know you on a deeper level.  Saying what you think and being who you are will help you find someone who appreciates you for you.

Bottom line: Being open and honest about what you think and feel shows that you respect yourself and your needs enough to be open and transparent with them.

Pride and Prejudice may be set in a different time and place, but the lessons it teaches about dating work as much today as they did in Eliza's time. By not settling for less than you deserve, and being open and honest about what you want and need, you can find your own Mr. Darcy! 

Ready to find your own Mr. Darcy? I can help.

 Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you find yourself struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans that take into account your situation.

Together, we will work towards uncovering the underlying patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back from finding the relationship that you are looking for and we map out a plan that is tailored to you.  I will be there to support you every step of the way.

Don't let another year pass without finding the love you deserve. Contact me today to schedule a free strategy session and begin your journey toward the partner of your dreams.